


'Till I die

by AnxiousOliver



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Courage, Depression, Drunken Confessions, Drunkenness, Entitled Woman, F/F, F/M, Friendship, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Multi, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-04-12 14:12:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19133680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnxiousOliver/pseuds/AnxiousOliver
Summary: Years later, after the monsters came to the surface, Jack Baskerville encounters himself with a very good group of friends that will lead them to a choice he might regret. But, in the meantime, he might try to enjoy his days along with his new monster friends.





	1. An Uprising Event

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if my English is not good enough. But enjoy this work if you can! Thanks for passing by!
> 
> Also, I will add the respective tags according to the development of the chapters.
> 
> If you read "An Ode to that self" or "'Till I die" before this, I'm going to say this is the final version of those two drafts without story changing.

**Chapter 1:** ~~An Uprising Event~~

A bright yellow shadow is shown in front of him among the darkness. It touched his chin before he could open his eyes leaving a trace of uncertainty. That's when he heard multiple voices calling his name telling him to run.

 ** _“Do you want to die?”_** The shadow asks in a particular way. He doesn’t hear a certain voice coming from the shadow, but the words appeared in his mind as if life itself were subtitled

 **“Sometimes”** He answered, while the voices were arguing aloud. ~~_(They know. They definitely know. It might be a trap. Don’t talk to them. Be smarter. Will they kill us? Ask them if they will kill us)_~~

 _ **“Why?”** _ It asks again, while it explodes in a bunch of golden petal flowers.

The environment seemed to be frozen in time as the colors of the background faded away. Only the voices were able to manifest themselves among the monochrome scenario as souls of multiple colors. He thought it was a bit unexpected, but he was no stranger to them. In fact, they were by his side all along.

 **“Guys!”** He called in the middle of the void he was trapped on. But as soon as he tried to reach out for the help of the only presences he could feel inside him, the lonesome echo of his voice was lost in the distance. “If only I could…”

 ** _“If only you could?”_** Blue and red flowers emerged from the infinite landscape, repeating the question again and again as whispers coming from every side of his being.

**“If only I could. Huh... What an easy way to get away with things”**

_**“But you can- But you will- But you must- But you need. You have the power to -You have the strength to- You have the grief to-”** _  The two options materialize in front of him. A way out. A chance to start it all again. To make better decisions in order to fulfill his desire for happiness. Or a way forward, where the pain could continue until he dies. Where the acceptance of a true god would remain rotted below him and the love he’s seeking for could never be met in an uncertain future. **_“Don’t waste my miracle- Don’t waste my determination- Don’t waste my Mercy- Don’t waste-”_**

 **“Could. Would. Will. But. Don’t...”** He inhales the unspoken regret of his decision as he puts his hand on the orange button. **“Before I leave- sorry, before we leave… reveal your name to me.”** He whispers to the flowers as if the entire world would hear him asking something he shouldn’t have asked for.

 _ **“Very well Jack Baskerville.”** _ The voice replies like a breeze on his shoulder **_“You may find this name... familiar, but the one name I was called out by them was, if I remember correctly, Chara... as like character.”_**

He giggles with his eyes closed, trying not to doubt the decision he is about to make.

 **“Very well Chara.”** As he presses the button his body starts to vanish from bottom to top **"Shall we never meet again.”**


	2. The College Routine

**Chapter 2:** The College Routine

I wake up every day surrounded by the echoes of the voices in my head and the leftovers of my dissipated dreams trying to write everything I consider important in my diary. But lately, I haven’t had the motivation to be proactive in my relationships or enough stimulations to trigger any kind of anxiety because I’m on summer break and I spent most of my time being lazy in my apartment.

I take a break from laziness every now and then to either go to the bar around the corner or play any of the instruments I have until I wait for the end of the day to take my daily dose of pills.

Usually, when I gather enough determination to do something I always end up taking long naps in the couch of my living room. But today was a different day for me since it was the first day of college. New buildings, new faces, and new subjects. The ultimate combination to trigger any kind of social anxiety.

I ended up in the classroom taking a seat in an empty desk at the front of the left side. Nobody wanted to be in front of the teacher, not even me, but it was the best way to avoid any kind of unwanted conversation in the middle of a class. Also, some people knew each other before they even entered the room, and it warmed my heart seeing undergrounders and humans hanging out peacefully since I’ve seen so many assaults in the news.

 **“You have some nice tattoos up your sleeve.”** Someone said. I stopped the music I’ve been listening in my phone and turned my head to the side.

A nice looking undergrounder greeted me with a smile. He was a goat looking being with the purest white fur I’ve ever seen. His mesmerizing pair of purple eyes had me baffled while he looked so confident with his Pink Floyd t-shirt under his short sleeve purple shirt.

 **“Thanks… I guess.”** I said.

Not knowing how to keep up with the conversation I tried to dig more into his interest of tattoos since it was the subject he brought up. “You have a thing for tattoos?”

 **“I have a thing for people with tattoos.”** He replied smiling while he made his way to the seat next to mine. I tried to hide the playful grin that took over my face when I thought of his answer as a pickup line. **“I can’t have any since my fur covers my body from head to toe, but I like seeing them on humans.”** He unpacked his laptop to entertain himself while he looked at my left arm “Can I touch it?”

 **“Sure!”** I replied almost instantly. I really wanted to know how does his fur felt over one simple touch, and since my arm was already healed there was no problem at all.

 **“Does it mean something to you? Man, I haven’t seen this kind of flowers in a long time.”** He said, referring to the echo flowers that were on the underground.

 **“Well, it’s kind of complicated to explain...”** Usually, when I go to sleep and wake up the next morning, I forget about the dreams I have in a span of twenty seconds or less, so I tattooed this flowers on me to remember my dreams. **“I know it’s kind of dumb, but I wanted more than a handmade dreamcatcher-”**

 **“It’s not dumb at all if it’s something you care about.”** I got nostalgic all of a sudden. I honestly don’t talk about the meaning of my tattoos so lightly to others. But I opened up a bit to this person since he was making an effort to know me better. I didn’t even expect someone to sit next to me. “It feels so cool!” _~~(He’s flirting with you. He’s definitely flirting with you. Is he talking about your skin? What’s his name? Ask him about his name~~.) _

**“That’s my skin…”** I couldn’t hide the blush on my face. I haven’t had this kind of interaction in a very long time.

 **“Oh, sorry! I got carried away.”** He said giggling. **“Frisk, look at this!”**

A human that was talking to other undergrounders came from the back of the room with their backpack. I did notice they were talking in sign language. But that didn’t stop them from saying hi.

**“Hi, nice to meet you too Frisk.”**

_**“Asriel, you really shouldn’t push yourself into others.”**_ They sign.

 **“I don’t mind, to be honest having his paw all over my arm is kind of heartwarming.”** They were a little surprised that I could understand them. But, as an opportunity to jokingly brag, I told them I could speak up to six languages in total.

 **“Woah! That’s really cool. You know, we don’t have many human friends that can understand Frisk in that manner, so it’s nice to meet one like you.”** He says, extending his paw to me in wait for a handshake. **“I’m Asriel”**

**_“And I’m his sibling, Frisk.”_ **

I smile upon the opportunity of an uncertain friendship and shake Asriel’s paw.

**“I’m Jack, but everyone calls me Jacky.”**

* * *

 

 **“The ambassador you say?”** I didn’t know much about the political situation of undergrounders. I have been isolating myself from social media having only books and music to entertain myself over the years, so it was a surprise for me to hear that Frisk once was the ambassador of the undergrounders.

**_“It was a long time ago though, right now is our father the one in charge of the position.”_ **

After school, we took the time to chat a little bit about ourselves. Frisk insisted on ordering some pizza and Asriel wanted to enjoy the nature of the school’s inner garden. So we laid down on a small hill inside the campus.

 **“And your mother?”** I asked out of pure curiosity.

**“She’s a teacher in the kindergarten a few blocks away.”**

**“That’s nice. Not many people have the audacity to surround themselves with children, I can’t even handle my siblings.”** I giggle, remembering the mischiefs of my brother and sister when I used to live with them.

**_“What do your parents do for a living?”_ **

It was kind of confusing. My mother used to work in something completely different every now and then. But right now she can give herself the luxury of being a housewife for the sake of my siblings’ childhood. The one childhood I couldn’t have.

 **“And your-?”** I knew what Asriel was about to ask, so I tried to avoid the subject abruptly since I didn’t want to talk about him.

 **“So! What are you guys studying for? If you don’t mind me asking.”** I, as an airhead myself, struggle with taking conversational hints if they are not verbally elaborated, so I begged them to take it for me.

 _“ **I’m studying for a degree in law.”** _ Frisk signed shyly _**“Ever since I was little, monsterkind has been treated… poorly aboveground. So I want to make a better future for monsters and humans.”** _Frisk smiled upon their goal, and I admired their reason to grow in life. Their motives go beyond themselves while their ambitions are dedicated to the rest of the world. Every word of their response made my envy grow even more towards them.

 **“Unlike Frisk, I want to develop my talent to pursue my... artistic side.”** Asriel said,  playing with the pizza he had in hand.

**“Don’t you say?”**

**“For sure Jacky! I have been cursed! In this hand-”** Frisk giggled, cutting Asriel playful introduction to his response with some quick hand signs.

**_“He wants to be a Graphic Designer.”_ **

**“Oh! But not any Graphic Designer-”** Frisk did it again.

**_“A Comic Designer.”_ **

**“DUDE! STOP RUINING MY MOMENT!”**

I laugh at the cute expressions on Asriel’s face. He is everything I expected him to be when he walked through the door. A chill and unique person who only wanted to have fun and enjoy life. Smart enough to be in college, but relaxed enough to appeal to his artistic side and pursue it as a career.

 **“Well. The secret’s out.”** He said while the cheese of the pizza fell from his mouth **“What are you in for Jacky?”**

I let out a huge sigh instead of a quick response. Most humans want to study magic theoretically since they can’t manipulate it or even control it with the technology we have in this era. But my reasons have always been misjudged by others with shallow responses.

“ **I know it might sound strange to you coming from a human, but ever since I was little I have been able to see souls.”** Both of them were surprised. No one has ever heard of a human with this kind of ability. I mean, related to the known magic hierarchy, not the religious. **“I’m sure you have seen them Asriel. Humans souls are colored hearts while the undergrounders have white souls upside down.”** They both were speechless as I continued to sum up my narrative. They didn’t even bother to add something to the statement I just threw at them **”This affinity I have with souls made me want to study Magic Engineering.”** ~~_(Are you going to tell them? Don’t tell them. Don’t tell them yet. They don’t need to know. Wait, is he? I think he might be.)_ ~~

**_“Not every monster is able to see materialized souls, but you, Alphys and mom should definitely have a talk about it.”_ **

**“True that. And here I thought you wanted to be a writer or something.”**

It was a tempting idea before. Lots of ideas come to mind when you are lost in a room with a person who’s telling you not to kill yourself. There are many possible futures with infinite possibilities. I could have been a doctor, dancer, musician, architect, etc. But I decided to dedicate myself to something that’ll bring me closer to the mysteries of our actual world.

 **“When you say it, it doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”** Maybe, if things would have ended up different in the past I would have considered it.

 _ **“By the way. Something caught my eye about your tattoo.”** _ They signed, looking at it with concern **_“Where did u get the idea of red echo flowers?”_**

I didn’t have an explanation for that. We all know echo flowers are blue due to the absorption of the nutrients provided by the blue minerals found in the Waterfall… well, maybe not everyone knows that.

 **“The first time I saw them was in a very strange dream and they were this color too. I liked it so there they are. In my arm. Whispering dreams and nightmares.”** I drink the cola can I have from the bottom to top, emptying the bottle to smash it with one hand.

**“You are such a weirdo”**

**“Thanks, it’s a mental disorder.”** They look at me seriously **“I’m kidding, calm down.”** I’m not kidding.

 **“Well, kidding or not. I can say that you truly have a kind heart.”** I laugh, opening another can of soda.

 _ **“I think we both agree on that.”** _ Such innocence brought joy to my heart and a smile to my face _**“I say this because of your language.”** _So, they noticed.

 **“What do you mean?”**  Asriel asked.

**_“Haven’t you noticed he’s using the term undergrounder instead of monster?”_ **

It wasn’t actually for them. It wasn’t a quality worth praising. _Monster_ was a term used long before I was even born to refer to those creatures that were capable of using magic. But after they were freed from the place they called _The Underground_ I decided to call them like that.

 **“It isn’t kindness. It’s just that, I don’t really enjoy that word. Adults used the word monsters to portray the creatures that lurked kids in the night so we would go to sleep.”** Mom never used that word, she never talked about them. She didn’t want to have anything to do with them.

 **“We _monsters_ don’t actually mind being called that, so don’t worry about it.”** I ignored his polite comment.

 **“Man, and here I thought this first chat was going to be more shallow.”** I said throwing myself to the grass.

 ** _“I admit it took a bit of a deep turn.”_** We all laughed at our stupidity.

The rest of the time we were in there we decided to cloud gaze in silence, only with the tweeting of the birds and the wind snatching out the leaves of the trees. The weather felt amazing against my skin and the sun was hidden through a big house shaped cloud.

The only thing that ruined the moment was Asriel’s phone ringing through his pants. It was time to say goodbye.

 **“Let me walk you to the entrance.”** I said. I did not have any other business in the school. I just wanted to enjoy some fresh air with new friends outside my cave.

I hear a honk on the street coming from a red shiny car. Inside it, there were two skeletons. One of them was wearing sunglasses and an orange long shirt. Also, he was much taller than the other skeleton. The other one was wearing a blue hoodie and a white shirt. Looking askance at the car while I turn to my way home I see the driver waving at me, so I wave back as well with a forced smile. The other one did nothing more than stare directly at my eyes so I turned around not wanting to start a gazing contest with a stranger. He immediately closed his eye sockets and went to sleep. I don’t really blame him, cuz’ I would have slept in the very same way that skeleton did under the comfort of this weather.


	3. An Odd Comedian Pt. 1

**Chapter 3:** An Odd Comedian Pt. 1

I was complaining, in the bar around the corner of my apartment, about a lot of things I shouldn’t even be thinking of. Unimportant topics that matter to me for only three minutes to ignore them in a blink of an eye, replacing their value with another subject.

I don’t come to the bar very often, mostly because I enjoy spending my time in the comfort of my bed with my computer on my lap. But today I didn’t feel like being lonely with the company of junk food inside my stomach. Instead, I have multiple cocktails provided by the cute bartender who’s a friend of mine.

**“Can you at least make it a double since you are not paying attention to me?”** I said to him, emptying the glass I had in my hand.

**“Jacky, you’ve been sitting there for like… two hours waiting for a response I already provided. L tagged shirts aren’t your size. What else do you want me to say?”**

**“I want your opinion! Am I fat?”** I grabbed my waist. The feeling of skin sliding through my fingers made me shiver.

**“Hey, guys! What’s new?”** Grillby, the owner of the bar, came in from the backdoor to greet us.

Grillby’s became a very popular brand over the years in this city. He had at least four different bars you could go to have fun. Most customers were undergrounders of the so-called royal guard. But humans also came to have a good time from time to time, including me. I was a regular customer, and seeing Grillby come through the backdoor was a nice surprise since he has other four locals to attend.

**“Jacky is being self-conscious over his body, again.”**

**“Fuck that! Here, have some fries.”**

**“I’m asking you for real!”** I said while eating the fries that Grillby was going to add to my bill **“So many people hit me up on dating apps and they give me pictures of them, like full body with only their boxers.”** Only the promising ones. Most people were over 30 years, and when they send their dick picks along with the question _-where do you live-_ I feel disgusted **“That shit makes me look at the mirror and question my complexion every time I shower.”**

**“Why the fuck did you downloaded those apps again?! The psychiatrist told you not to!”** Said the bartender, taking away my phone over the bar so he could delete them immediately.

**“Man, this day I feel like everybody is against me.”**

**“You aren’t fat Jacky, you have an average complexion. The thing is… you don’t exercise at all.”** I rest my face on the bar while I try to figure out how many more cocktails I can have before I feel dizzy.

**“It’s easy for you to say that. You are made of fire.”** I try to question the metabolic systems of the undergrounders. They are all so different, yet I’m pretty sure they eat just because they can, not because they need.

**“Did you took your pills?”** The bartender asked once again as I nod **“Oh! I found the problem, you are using pants.”**

**“Huh?”** I glare at my pants. I didn’t even realize I have been using them the whole day. I needed to dress _formally_ for a presentation in school so I left my baggy shorts at home and put some pants. Sometimes, I even feel like I’m lacking air just by looking at the lower half of my body.

I take deep breaths and calm down to talk a little more with them while I take zips of a pina colada some random guy invited me. I could use someone to talk to, that’s not trying to hit on me or busy with their work at the moment, but I’m tipsy enough to enjoy the remains of my beverage.

Grillby said that today was a special day since he organized a stand-up comedy routine for a friend and other participants, so I was hoping for some new jokes to add to my collection.

The chill music stopped, sadly, so the bartender could introduce the comedians to the stage while I was left with Grillby and my fries. He greets the public politely and introduces comedian by comedian. That’s how it was half an hour. I had to hear people laugh over jokes that weren’t funny enough for me, but safe enough for the general public. I only got to hear three decent jokes so, after a bit, I stopped paying attention to them.

I look through the window and see some couples passing by. Undergrounders or humans, it didn’t matter to me. I only wanted to feel something special for someone. I didn’t want to be alone in a bar at 10 PM every day of my life just because I wasn’t brave enough to get out of my comfort zone. I always wonder how do people make love work out for them, cuz’ it ain’t working out for me. ~~_(Because they try. You’ need to look for what you want. Is that what you want? Do you really want that? We want you to want that. We want you to know you want that)_ ~~ Y'all got me there. Who knows? The future me might try something with Asriel if he feels like loving someone as broken like me.

A was planning to leave after the redhead with white glasses finished their routine. But I wanted to give the last comedian the benefit of the doubt.

**“the name’s sans, sans the skeleton.”** Every undergrounder was clapping at him. Apparently, he was more popular than the others. Grillby mentioned to me that he was the friend he was talking about and that I actually might enjoy his jokes **“ya’ know, my friends say they don’t like my puns, so I put a little more backbone into them.”** I turn around, look at the comedian and laugh. The only reason I found his puns funny was because he was, in fact, a skeleton.

**“Of course he had to make skeleton jokes.”** I whisper to Grillby after snorting so loud that it sounded fake. People only realized it made me laugh because I had a bit of liquid spilling through my nose.

**“Don’t mind him, continue.”** Said the bartender excusing myself.

Then he went on and on, throwing skeleton puns one after the other like his life depended on it.

_-The favored historical ruler of skeletons is none other than Napoleon Bone-a-part-_

_-Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party? He had nobody to dance with!-_

I must admit that he made my whole week worth living again. I even added some of his puns to my collection.

**“I haven’t seen you laugh like that in a very long time.”** Grillby said, cleaning my last cup of pina colada.

What can I say? He got the best of me right now when I’m tipsy. It made me forget my insecurities for a brief moment, and it was a nice feeling I was willing to pursue.

Sans the skeleton sits two seats away from me. The music in the background played again. Tuning some beats of a musician I’ve never heard before it attacked the environment, making me sink in my thoughts even more at the end of the night. Another bartender I didn’t recognize went straight to him to take his order.

**“hey kiddo’ can i have a ketchup bottle?”** He asked with a wide grin across his face.

**“Sir… don’t you prefer an actual drink?”** The bartender asked while Grillby giggled under the sounds of his embers.

**“Can’t you see he doesn’t have the stomach for it?”** I asked. Creating a pun out of nowhere wasn’t like me, but I appreciated Sans’ snort at it.

**“Come on, I’ll give it to ya’. Still, it’s going to your bill Sans.”** Said Grillby. Sans only replied with a toast to no one along with the bottle of ketchup I was using to top my fries.

**“so kiddo.”** Sans got closer from out of nowhere, probably teleporting with the help of magic, to the seat next to me **“you think i’m humerus?”**

**“Don’t kiddo’ me ol’ man.”** I said giggling while I took another sip of my orange juice.

**“a’right boy, have it your way.”**

The smirk on his face contrasted with the look on his eye sockets. His white prints were so lazy that they didn’t focus correctly on what he had in front of him. But, even tipsy, I could se the way his soul shone through the open windows where his eyes were supposed to be. An undergrounder that valued integrity more than anything else was talking to me, an ungrateful kid that didn’t even know how to be brave enough to start a conversation with him.

**“You can call me Jacky if you’d like, Sans the Skeleton.”**

**“‘say, jacky, what brings you to the bar in the middle of the night.”**

**“Booze, laziness, loneliness, a skeleton of other things I’m too lazy to name. I imagine you’re here for the jokes.”**

**“nah, i had a bone to pick with the grillbs.”**

**“Don’t you say?”**

And there I stood sit for hours making my way into a conversation through puns and jokes that were so bad I laughed at every single one of them. He seemed to enjoy a nice talk under the calm tone of the music and the taste of the ketchup bottles he kept ordering to Grillby. Each and each piece of information about him made me smile little by little under the layer of depression I had put over myself. He talked about the city and how he was new to it. He worked at a cafe close to the public mall in the middle of the city while his brother owned a flower shop a few locals next to him. I talked about my dream of pursuing a career in Magic Engineering. About how the weather was beautiful since it rained every now and then. About my affinity to souls and magic.

**“how does mine look like?”** He asked. I didn’t know if he was trying to mock me, but I took another peek to it just to make sure.

**“The same as any other undergrounder. Although, it’s kind of surprising that it has a layer of integrity underneath.”** I said, rubbing my eyes with the gray hoodie I’ve been wearing.

**“wow, the kid wasn’t kidding. you do have a special ability.”** He says. I knew I’ve seen him before.

**“You! You are that one skeleton Asriel and Frisk talk so much about.”** Was I tipsy enough to not notice every quality they’ve described to me back then? He was a pun lover, a short skeleton with a blue hoodie a pair of pink slippers and a playful grin.

**“took you long enough to notice.”** He said between laughs while I changed my position to look at him with one hand on the bar holding my head.

**“How do you know about me?”** I ask.

**“how wouldn’t i know about you. they talk about you every now and then.”** I try to hide my blush under the darkness of the moment **“a kid with long black hair, golden brown eyes and a flower tattoo up his left sleeve. i’m lazy, but not indifferent enough to not notice you among a crowd full of adults and drunk frat boys.”** I brush a tuft of my hair away from my face to see the face of the man that was sitting right in front of me. His grin didn’t disappear even after describing my physique.

**“Really? I’ve only heard that you are a lazy sack of bones. Although, I must say that you don’t have that bad temper Asriel talks about so much.”** I said giggling.

**“is… is that so?”** He asks smirking.

**“Sorry to interrupt your friendly chat guys, but it’s already 1 AM and Jacky has school today.”** Grillby makes his way into the conversation, bringing some warmth to my body.

I didn’t even notice I’ve been talking to this skeleton for three hours straight at night. The feeling of dizziness flew away from me while I stood up to shake some leftover fries over my jacket. I check if my keys are still in my pocket and proceed to farewell everyone, leaving the skeleton at last on purpose.

**“I’ll ketchup you later Sans the Skeleton. Have a nice morning.”** I said.

The warming wave he gave me back filled my heart with enough will to come back in order to know more about this mysterious persona that entrailed my sight the entire night. I look sideways at the empty street and make my way back home under the lights of the stars that drowned the sky and the broken night lamps that filled the road with flickering lights.


	4. An Odd Comedian Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out a bit dark. But I'm proud of it.

**Chapter 4:** An Odd Comedian Pt. 2

I’ve been spending more time with Asriel and Frisk since I met them. Even if we only had one class together we always hang out after school to anywhere we’d like to go to relax or study in silence. Eventually, I told them about my casual encounter with Sans the skeleton, which surprised them since Sans always keeps a low profile due to his laziness. He barely talks to people, and even if he miraculously does he doesn’t even bother to keep up with the conversation.

**_“It must have been the puns.”_ ** Frisk said while I nod in agreement. He looks like the kind of person that would enjoy a talk with anyone who laughs at his jokes.

But something about him made me feel special among the thousands and thousands of souls that were enjoying themselves that night. Even if he was a lazy sack of bones that cared little about a casual encounter with a punk like me, I wouldn’t mind having another nice talk with him. I could always go to the cafe he told me about to meet him again, but I don’t have the determination to do something so brave like that.

**“Wanna come to a family dinner with us?”** Asriel asked “We want you to know our family and friends.” Frisk agreed with some quick hand signs.

I didn’t want to intrude my way into something so intimate as a family dinner. I’ve never eaten with my family or had that quality time most people have with their relatives. Back when I used to live with my mother I made my own meals since she had to work hard for me as a single mom, and when my stepfather came into her life I didn’t feel I had a family anymore.

**_“Don’t let yourself think you’re intruding or something. We are the ones inviting you after all. You are our friend! Besides, it’s not like you have anything else to do at night. Right?”_ **

**“Hey, I’m not that predictable!”** They both laugh at the lie I don’t even believe from the bottom of my heart.

**“So, you’re in?”** I accepted their invitation with gratitude and proceeded to lay down on the grass while Frisk studied for an exam they had and Asriel played his ukulele in the inner garden of the school.

After some time Frisk leaves for their last class of the day, leaving Asriel playing on his computer and me sleeping, using my backpack as a pillow. A girl approaches from nowhere very nervously to be in front of Asriel. Then she proceeds to ask him on a date, to which he responds.

**“I’m sorry, but I’m not looking for that kind of relationship right now.”** I was surprised since this was the third girl he rejected in two weeks. I’ve witnessed the same response three times and his tender smile never flinched towards the ones that were trying to get his attention.

The girl sadly nods and returns back to where she came from.  Asriel puts his laptop away for a little bit and slowly whispers to my left arm.

**“I’m getting tired of this.”** I laugh, knowing that the flowers wouldn’t keep his comment away from me.

**“I can always start a rumor about you, maybe say that you have fleas.”** He jokingly pushed me and laughed trying to lay back like me and enjoy the environment. **“What? The all mighty Asriel is bothered about being popular with girls?”**

**“Oh my god, the shy and anxious outcast is jealous!”** He says, poking my stomach over and over tickling the hell out of me.

**“Fuck off Asriel!”** I mean, I could get used to this kind of treatment, but I needed a moment to breathe without being aroused by his intrusive hands **“You know I swing the other way.”**

**“Whatever floats your goat man. Whatever floats your goat.”**

* * *

 

Later that night I found myself going to the bar. Expecting Sans to perform another stand-up routine wasn’t on my list of plans for today. Grillby was pretty happy with the last one he organized so he showed himself again arranging a little something.

**“Is this a gay bar, a tavern or a pub?”** The usual bartender asks to Grillby while the man engulfed in flames serves me the first cocktail of the night. Grillby said that he has wondered the same thing over the years, and now that they are discussing the subject so am I.

Comedian by comedian showed up at the stage throwing  _ real-life stories  _ with some twist here and there to make the routine funnier. Some people got a good laugh out of them while I was tired of waiting for my favorite comedian to come on stage.

**“you really missed me if you had the audacity to come day after day ever since we met.”** A familiar voice sent over a breeze behind my back, but I didn’t even bother to face him after he shoved the truth all over me.

**“Don’t give yourself too much credit Sans the skeleton. I’ve always been a regular.”** I sad blushing as he laughs at the shame of my words.

When I turn to face him I ask him if he was going to participate again, which he denied while he asked for a drink on my behalf. He said he was a little sorry that he didn’t show up to say hi early. I don’t know why he was apologizing over something like that since he only met me once.

**“That means we- we are… friends?”** I thought that having him as a friend was a precious achievement for me. I’ve never made a single friend outside school, so it would be a great story to tell to my psychologist.

**“woah there, tiger.”** He said after drinking the entire bottle of ketchup **“you can’t jump straight into friendship. it takes time.”**

**“...”**

**“‘a’right, that’s enough time.”** We laugh as we give each other our phones to exchange numbers. I put in my number with the name my mother gave me at birth. My full name. He instead, while showing it to me, put  _ Sans the skeleton  _ with a fake number for a Hotline for Idiot Babies.

**“You truly are an ol’ timer if you think I could fall for that.”** I said with an arrogant look on my face.

**“i just wanted to know how would you react, hehehe.”** Then he introduces another number, which I hope it’s his real number this time.

I glance at the bartender announcing the next contestant, and for my surprise is none other than…

**“Sans the Skeleton ladies and gents”** Huh? That’s weird, Sans is right next to me with his usual grin… no. His grin is wider than ever. I wonder if he even plans to move from his seat.

Another skeleton appears in stage leaving me flabbergasted. I look at the Sans right next to me and then at the Sans on stage. They had the very same soul energy, which wasn’t possible even if they were twins.

**“I swear to God Sans, if you spiked my drink I’m gonna....”** He laughed at my confused face and explained that he’s a friend he’d been planning to introduce to the stage for a while. Apparently, he wasn’t your everyday comedian, so he kept his puns and jokes to himself. 

That didn’t explain the reason why their souls were exactly the same, but I didn’t want to dig in that matter at the moment, even if it was an outstanding discovery for science and magic.

The skeleton that called himself Sans, as well, stood in the middle of the stage with an unsettling face. The red sweater under his black jacket made me wonder if the type of fabric of his clothes felt good all over his bones. He was wearing some golden black shorts along with a chain on the side, but his most mesmerizing trait was the one golden tooth he had among his pointy teeth. The white lonely pupils inside his eyes sockets resembled Sans’, which made me crave for answers regarding their souls.

After some punny puns that snorted the hell out of me, he was starting to get darker with his jokes. Some people found it offensive while others laughed at every single joke he threw. I could tell the Sans beside me wasn’t very fond of them either, but I couldn’t help myself to laugh all over his dark humor since it was my cup of tea from the very beginning.

_ -have you heard that joke about the kid with AIDS? It never gets old- _

Stuff like that was funny for a depressed soul like me. I didn’t even felt ashamed of laughing all over the place. Unlike some people in the audience, I was actually having a good time, but the fun stopped when some old-timers were trying to impose their values over a stand-up routine.

_ -You should be ashamed of yourself!- _

_ -There is nothing funny about sickness!- _

The bartender was about to talk on behalf of the bar, but I asked Grillby to stop him so I could handle the situation in a rightful manner.

**“Are you sure you’re not gonna make a scene about it?”** Grillby asked.

**“I’m only drunk enough to face the situation, not to make an actual scene.”** Both of them seemed convinced and gave me one microphone. I stood up and went to the front door holding it open. Sans remained seated in there taking his hands out of his pockets to cross arms and raised, what I think was, an eyebrow. The other one seemed indifferent to the situation as if everyone were beneath him  **“Ladies and gentleman, Grillby’s tavern host this kind of events to let people of our local community participate in a healthy environment where everyone can be themselves for the night. This statement goes to the audience and the entertainers, so, if you are not fond of this kind of entertainment, I suggest you leave and come back any other day when the local doesn’t have the possibility to attack your persona. Please, don’t bother other customers over your senselessness feeling of ethics with such irresponsible comments. Next time, the employes of this local won’t tolerate such interruptions and will act upon the orders of the head manager. Have a nice night!”**

Seven people left while I stood there talking on behalf of the local. In the meantime, I wanted to shit my pants it the middle of my lecture because I noticed how many people were actually in front of me. I didn’t take a moment to think about how would I feel. The others clapped while I returned to my seat and Sans actually whistled at me.

**“not bad kid. here, lemme buy you another drink.”** I accepted the offer shaking on my seat. I definitely could use something stronger after what I did.

Grillby and the bartender congratulated me for stepping out of my comfort zone, but I knew that, if I weren’t tipsy enough, I wouldn’t have done it, so I didn’t take it as an accomplishment. The golden tooth Sans finished his routine and sat next to Sans. Unlike the one I already knew, he ordered a bottle of mustard.

**“who’s the punk over there.”** Sans asked. At this point, I wasn’t even able to think precisely. I just looked straight at his intimidating expression being disturbed by a drool of mustard on his chin.

**“jacky, meet sans. sans, jacky.”** What a lame ass introduction if I must say.

**“do i have something on my face punk?”** I must have been staring at him for a long time, or maybe he’s easily irritated. Who knows? I just wanted to stare at a point that didn’t move **“why is he even here? he looks like a fifteen-year-old brat?”** I couldn’t hear properly over a layer of white noise that violated my ears. I knew this feeling was going to leave a hard hangover tomorrow morning.

**“Those were some nice jokes you had up your skin.”** I said, laughing hysterically.

I realized that all this time Asriel and Frisk talked about Sans, they were referring to two different people.

**“is he okay?”** Asked the one with a red sweater.

**“i don’t think so.”**

**“Can’t you see I’m fine? Look, I can walk on my own.”** As soon as I stand up I stumble over my face tricking my vision. Everything spins around me taking the balance away from me.

**“what? the punk drank more than he could handle?”** He started his comment laughing at my stupidity after Sans kept me from falling to the floor.

**“The amount of alcohol I drink to forget I want to kill myself is none of your fucking business.”** Grillby sighs some worrying words while Sans calm him down saying he’d take me to my house. Seeing Sans being responsible for me made me tear up, but I got to rub it away before anyone noticed. I couldn’t even talk without spelling out every word I said.

**“come on pal’ i’ll give you a hand.”** Said the other Sans grabbing my arm and putting it up to his shoulder.

**“look at you all sweaty, docile and responsible, did he make you feel guilty?”**

**“shut the fuck up sans…”**

I entered a car filled with the smell of mustard, ketchup, new books, and alcohol. laying myself down on the backseat while closing my eyes made me feel a little better, but I was feeling guilty for showing this kind of behavior in front of Grillby, the bartender and the Sans’. The one with a bad attitude proceeded to drive after I mumbled the address of my apartment while the one with the blue hoodie opened the window and stared at the outside for the rest of the ride.

**“Thanks for the ride.”** The flickering lights of the street, along with the breeze of the open window, made me relax in an odd way I couldn’t describe while being drunk **“Sorry you had to see me like this though.”**

**“don’t sweat it punk. liquor might not solve all your problems, but it’s worth a shot.”** Even at a moment like this, he’s able to pull off a pun taking the awkwardness away.  ~~_ (I wanna know what happened. I wanna know what’s happening. Where are we going? Is this how we die? Don’t exaggerate. I wanna say hi). _ ~~

I think I hear them talking about something I shouldn’t be listening to. They probably think I went to sleep at some point. Everything starts to fade away as the voices whisper and whisper things I’m not able to understand. I don’t want to feel so crowded in my own body. This doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel alright.

**“I didn’t mean to.”** I started crying. I regret every decision I’ve made to make it this far. I’m not proud of myself. I don’t want this LV. **“I don’t want this kind of love.”**

All the negative thoughts suddenly dissipated when I felt my head accommodate over a lap and a cold hand brushing my hair. A blurry silhouette was taking care of me, and I only could think of one person at the moment that would do this for me.

**“Dad?”**


	5. Roses are Red, and they have thorns

**Chapter 5:** Roses are red, and they have thorns

_[Red's POV]_

* * *

 

Customers didn’t come at this hour of the day to read or buy books as they used to a few months ago. Not that I’d complain about making less of an effort to do my job, but it gets lonely every now and then without having someone to talk to that isn’t the other employees wanting to be a pain in the ass.

I spend most of my time reading and organizing the books that are out of place in the library since being nice to the customers is not my forte. It was a relaxing job among all the other locals in the public mall. I’m happy that my brother is enjoying himself as a chef in a restaurant not so far away from here and, unlike Sans, I don’t have to bother being nice to clients while I make coffee. 

 **“Welcome!”** Said my coworkers when they heard the bell attached to the front door. I didn’t even bother to look “How can we help you this beautiful day?!”

 **“Nothing at the moment, thank you!”** I recalled the kid’s voice from that distant night I carried him to my car. It was none other than the punk that got drunk at Grillby’s. I wondered why he would be here if it was school hours and he was supposed to be with Asriel and Frisk, but I didn’t really care about him enough to even look at him. After all, every human, one way or the other, was the same to me.

 **“Hey Sans! Didn’t expect to find you here.”** He said smiling nervously.

 **“don’t bug me when i’m working punk.”** I didn’t want anything to do with an irresponsible suicidal brat. I didn’t feel any kind of remorse that night. If anything, I thought it was funny how he showed many weaknesses so easily, but nothing else.

 **“Oh, okay. Sorry to bother you while you’re working.”** He then goes and sits on a puff taking a book out of his backpack and starts to read it. And here I thought the kid was going to have a more defying personality. What a pity.

I come to the cashier register to take over the place of someone who went to do something else, but I knew he went to laze back store while I arranged some documents on the computer for the people that were expecting packages by today. I sat there for hours watching the punk reading since I didn’t have anything else to do and the store was empty with him and me.

The black glasses he was wearing outshined his messy hair and hid his unique golden eyes while the same gray sweater he used that night was looking clean and soft. His shorts revealed his hairy and scruffy legs while it highlighted the outline of his stocky thighs and his black shoes showed no personality whatsoever. Watching his monotone figure standing out in this rustic library was kind of… mesmerizing, but annoying at the same time.

I was about to ask him what he was reading out of pure boredom, but a middle-aged woman entered the store. She looked at me and instantly glanced at another direction with disgust, probably because I’m a monster. She approaches the punk and asks him if he works here.

 **“Sorry, I do not. There’s a literal employee right there though.”** She clearly looks pissed off and comes to the front register bothered by the insolence of the kid. I only sighed as I asked her what she needed.

 **“I need this book ASAP.”** She said. I insert the name of the book on the computer and, to my surprise, it’s not registered in the database.

 **“we don’t have this book in inventory.”** I replied trying not to cut her throat out with my words.

 **“How could you not have it?!”** She asked petulantly **“I’m sure you don’t even know which book I’m talking about, do you?! I didn’t actually think monsters were so fucking ignorant but you are the exception! Is there an actual human employee in here!?”** _-This fucking bitch-_ The fucking book she was asking for wasn’t even printed by any editorial at the moment. The only way she could get the book she was asking for was online.

 **“Excuse me.”** The punk said stepping in the conversation **“Could it be that this is the book you are looking for?”** He says, showing her the book she was looking for. His legs were slowly shaking while he stood up in front of her. She analyzes the book rapidly and smiles after glaring in my direction.

 **“Oh my God. Thank you for finding it! I’ve been looking for it!”** Just what I needed in my life. An actual bootlicker that would do anything to calm down or avoid any violent confrontation. At this point, I was about to step out and call another co-worker because I didn’t want to deal with this kind of bullshit, but then something unexpected caught my eye.

 **“What the fuck are you doing?!”** The woman yelled. The punk actually started to tear the book apart, ripping it with his teeth and stomping on the pieces of paper that fell to the floor after spitting on them. The woman’s face was priceless **“I needed that fucking book for tomorrow!”**

 **“Bummer”** Replied the kid, mocking at the outraged woman **“Now get the fuck out of my sight before I call the police for harassment.”** The woman, while ramping profanities about how she was going to sue the hell out of us, smacked the poor kid on the face and left the store slamming the door on her way out. The kid kneeled to pick up the wrinkled papers to throw them to the trash and proceeded to touch his swollen cheek.

 **“GWHAHAHAHAHAHA.”** I burst a laugh out of my fucking guts, a laugh I haven’t even heard in a very very long time. _-i swear to god this kid is something else-_

He starts to laugh back and complain about the pain. Apparently, that woman had a baseball bat for a hand. I kneel next to him to help him pick up the book he tore apart, willing to start a conversation with him.

**“now. jacky was it? would you care to go for some food?”**

* * *

 

**“ain’t gonna lie jacky. that was some rad shit you did back there.”**

We went to the restaurant my brother had to chill after I finished my shift. Usually, I end up going home right after a quick meal with my brother. But today I felt like being nice to this kid after the blow he took.

 **“Don’t even remind me, I thought I was going to fall out of stress. On a normal day, I would’ve just given her the book and let her go peacefully.”** \- _Is that so?-._

 **“what changed?”** I said, sipping the extra bottle of mustard a waitress gave me.

 **“You, actually. That bitch sounded so entitled I wanted to fucking punch her on the boobs, but I’m a fag so I rather die than touching one of those things.”** I let out a laugh. He didn’t look like the kind of guy who looks up for fights.

He sat right in front of me, leaning towards the window bringing his legs up on the other side of the seat, just like me.

 **“don’t even think i owe you one punk. you basically asked for it.”** I took a glance out the window. People use to show up a lot at this hour of the day. Everyone’s hungry and looking to have a good time at the mall, but the majority of bystanders are either teenagers or monsters.

 **“HERE YOU GO!”** My brother came from the kitchen with two plates of fresh spaghetti and a glass of tea for Jacky **“ENJOY YOUR MEAL LAZY SACK OF BONES.”**

**“thanks boss, you’re da best.”**

**“WHO’S YOUR HUMAN FRIEND AND WHY IS HE STARING AT MY SPAGHETTI INSTEAD OF EATING IT. HOW DISRESPECTFUL.”** I turn over to see his face. His eyes were shining and his mouth was watering while his jaw was on the ground.

**“This is the most delicious food I have ever seen in my entire life.”**

**“WELL, OF COURSE IT IS HUMAN. BUT DON’T JUST STARE AT IT. TAKE A BITE FOR ONCE.”** And so he did. But a single bite wasn’t enough for him. While I was about to start my plate he already ate half of his.

 **“I’m gonna come here every day of my life.”** He said. I glance at the boss and he looked so proud of himself, he even blushed a little bit over it. He liked to be praised by others, especially if it is about his food.

 **“I LIKE YOUR HUMAN FRIEND ALREADY. HE HAS AN EXCELLENT TASTE.”** Friend huh? a human friend wasn’t on the list of things I thought I would have on the surface. I caught a slight blush on him after a couple of seconds making me think that humans are really easy to read.

Papyrus left after asking some questions about food and puzzles to Jacky while I finished my plate and then he brought us ice cream. On the house, just because the punk was getting along with him. I hear him mumble out some words like _“That’s amazing!”_ and _“Thanks!”_. For some reason, I was getting really tired.

**“isn’t my bro the coolest?”**

**“He truly is the coolest. Just like Blue’s brother.”** Blue?

**“who?”**

**“Oh sorry! The other day I was talking to Sans about how should I differentiate you if you guys have the same name and he said _‘hey, why don’t you just call me blue and him red?’_ ”** Huh. He gets to change my name now. **“Does that bother you?”** Not really. I even like the ring of it too. That and I’m too lazy to even discuss something so irrelevant.

**“do as you like, punk.”**

He then proceeded to talk to me about everything. How he was studying for Magic Engineering, how he lived alone in his house, which books he likes the most, he even added some puns to the chattering that took a laugh and a giggle out of me. He was far less from interesting but, for some reason, I couldn’t stop listening to this guy talking about what he likes and dislikes. I wonder if this is how Blue felt when he first met this kid.

 **“... also, I’m sorry about what happened the other night at the bar.** ”

 **“don’t sweat it kiddo. it wasn’t the worst first impression.”** Looks like that made him feel better.

We agreed with our silence to hear the music in the background while we looked outside the window. People and monsters were gathering around  to pass by the restaurant, admire the fountain, play in the plaza and enjoy the slightly cold weather we were having. It was so calm that part of me was sick of so much peace, but I learned that things are not the same way here. I don’t even know if people would be playing in the streets from where I come from. Shit, I don’t like remembering this stuff.

 **“... tell me already”** I said to let my thoughts escape **“what was your first impression of this spooky skeleton.”**

 **“And here I thought you’d never ask.”** He said with a grin on his face without even breaking contact with the outside. _-don’t fucking test my waters punk.-_ **“At first I was confused. I thought Blue was pranking me or something, but then you started telling jokes and I felt very… what’s the word i’m looking for? Ah- comfortable around your humor. Then I got shocked by the fact you and Blue have the exact same soul, but…”**

 **“y o u, w h a t?”** Did that grinning bastard told him that? Did Frisk? How does he even know how a soul looks like? It’s not like they teach that at school, I’m sure of that.

 **“Uhm, yeah… about that...”** Then he throws a speech about how he has been able to see souls since he was little. All different kinds of souls and their best and worst traits. The reason he wants to study what he’s in for is because he wants to understand the way HIS soul works. **“That’s why it shocked me. I truly want to know the reason. But it’s not a thing I’ll pry about if you guys don’t want me to...”**  
**“what even makes you think you have the right to talk about it?”** I guess my face changed at some point, cuz’ his did when he turn to look at me **“don’t even act like you care. you’re just a selfish piece of shit. a soul maniac geek that wants to study my soul. just because he and i have the same fucking soul doesn’t mean we are...”**

 **“I never saw you that way Sans!”** He cuts me off by hitting his fist on the table. His voice was serious enough to kill any of my jokes **“If I even dared to think I’m better than you I wouldn’t have approached you in the first place. I know you and him are not the same, your souls may look the same, smell the same, sound the same… fuck even taste or feel the same. You are your own self. You are codependent, tired and a lazy sack of bones, but you also are smart, cunning, funny, caring…”**

**“what could you possibly know about me punk?!”**

**“It’s true, I don’t know you. I’m just looking at your soul. That’s why I WANT to know you. I WANT to be able to call you that by experience and not just by peeking at something you didn’t even give me permission to. I want to be able to call you MY friend!”** I sighed.

He even stood up to give me a fucking lecture about something we didn’t even need to fight about. I guess I still have my old habits as a troublemaker from my old universe.

 **“didn’t know you could be so fucking prudent.”** I said with a smile while he took a deep breath and sat down. He was shaking vigorously over the confrontation due to some kind of anxiety I think, but I didn’t give it much of a thought.

 **“COULD YOU TWO IDIOTS TAKE YOUR FIGHT OUTSIDE? YOU ARE DISCOMFORTING MY CUSTOMERS.”** Papyrus yelled from inside the kitchen. Jacky and I looked at each other and laughed hysterically about the matter.

I guess I can give this friendship thing a try.


End file.
